I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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