This is the prime rib incident all over again
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
