just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
