Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
