his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
