I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
