I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize