I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize