I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
