Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
