Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
