You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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