I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
