I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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