I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I look better un-naked...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
