I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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