Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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