I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
