I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
