I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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