Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
