he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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