This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He kissed a someone with a penis
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize