apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
