I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Dignity is for republicans.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
