On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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