He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
