No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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