Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
