I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
