3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
