Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
