I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
