this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
