People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
