oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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