At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Can you bring me the toilet please
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize