hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
