8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
