he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
All the doctor said was why
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
