Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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