Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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