Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
