You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize