one two three fourrrrnication!
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
not ubering you a puppy
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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