Your face is a jimmy john
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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