Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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