Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
