God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
