at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
