I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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