The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
