Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Come share oat with me in your robe
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize
