the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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