i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
