college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
