sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
