You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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