I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
