How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
