Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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