do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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