the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
