It's Friday. Sex?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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