If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
