I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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