My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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