census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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