and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
