I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
