I cockslap morals
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
